As I prepare my new EP, reflections
As I set to release the first song from my new EP in the coming few weeks, I wanted to go further into what Opium was about, and what it meant for me.
Opium was predominantly a record of my struggles of dealing with depression, coming to terms with my sexuality and getting over my first relationship. Just before I finished the album, I came out to my parents and while the reaction was positive, it still didn’t feel like that much of a weight of my shoulder, because this was only one chapter of the story. Back in sixth form, when I initially came out to my peers, I ended up losing a close friend at the time over my sexuality. I received many negative comments, and this ultimately led me to hop back inside the closet when I got to university. I informed a few people and got a mixed reaction - I wrote ‘Hope’ to all the people who held me back because I believe that they’ll be the ones that end up sad, alone and miserable.
I eventually came out to my flatmates and close friends at university towards the end of 2017, a few months after I had first started writing songs for what would become Opium. I created ‘Haunt’ from a mixture of quotes I found on twitter and amalgamated them into a song. I originally wanted to name the album after this track, as there was a theme of ghosts amongst the first few songs I had lined up for the record at that point.
Around this time was when I wrote ‘Ghost,’ written about a testing time in one of my closest friendships when we had distanced, and ‘F.W.M.M.’, both of which were inspired by the likes of PVRIS and Sia. ‘Broken,’ my darkest track on the album, details my struggles with depression while I was working at home and was inspired by the works of The Neighbourhood and Bring Me The Horizon, while ‘Fearless’ was inspired by the protagonist from How To Get Away With Murder, Annalise Keating. I decided to rerecord ‘Flames’ from Meet Me because it was the first song I released onto streaming platforms, after I had been bullied about it during secondary school, and release ‘Eyes’ which I wrote back in 2015 about a close friend who didn’t reciprocate the feelings I had developed for her.
It was some months after that I penned ‘Opium’ and instantly decided that this would be the title track. This is a song about me being happy with myself, acknowledging my self-worth, that I’m attractive, I’m funny, all the things that I had doubted in myself. I called it ‘Opium’ as I literally felt high on life when I wrote it. The name resonates with the album for me because the album depicts my withdrawal symptoms from close friendships and intimate relationships, so while something feels good at the time, it can leave you hurt and damaged when it’s gone.
‘Score’, ‘Cheat’ and ‘Infidel’ were all written at various points after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. A cross between Paramore and Kesha, ‘Cheat’ was written first out of the three and details my initial reaction that I shouldn’t and couldn’t carry on with the relationship. ‘Infidel’ was an explosion of my anger out of the situation and ‘Score’ was written some months later after I had got over everything that happened and was finally at peace with myself.
So I hope with some context behind the music, you can all enjoy listening to that album and what's to come. It felt like a long year recording it - it was a struggle creating this album, but now I’m ready to move on to more positive sounds. My first song Single will be released very soon, expect more announcements and material to follow!